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Heretic

“Jesus said, ‘This heaven shall pass away, and the one above it shall pass away.’”
    ~ Gospel of Thomas, verse 11

It was never a question of faith
So I wasn’t yet teenage when I asked
“What does it mean to follow Jesus”
The answer was “To do what you decide”
I like that
It means Jesus comes to you
As he does sometimes to me
Makes suggestions
You commit to something
Stick to it
Ceaselessly if that’s what you decide
And why not
He follows you too
Abiding
Among those Methodists
It hardly mattered what you believed
You just joined the tradition
The songs the services the tithes
Those checkmarks
Each a waystaion
On a more traveled road to salvation
The surprising realization
Was most nobody else was talking to Jesus
Or if they were they weren’t getting a reply
Oh there were songs about that
But I could live them
Through the music and verse
I felt
As though I connected to it
And it to me
A higher presence I attributed to the divine
Thus it might have been then
And might continue to be
What need has a world without end
For dimensions
For one so-called time to be different from another
And who am I to say
And why say anyway
To those Methodists who didn’t know this connection
No not at all that way
Not when they said the music was pretty
Surely not when I got witty
And said “If it’s cannibalism to consume
  A form of life as ‘high’ as my own
  Is it not even more outrageous to consume
  The body and the blood”
They could only laugh
At such questions
I too could only laugh
Though not for the same reason
So I visited other churches
I found
Some who were seemingly
Forward thinking
Playing electronic instruments rather than pipes
During services
I found
Many of them considered gnosticism
As they called my idea
Of my direct perception
A form of heresy
I found others
Say Unitarian Universalists
Who spoke much of politics
But little of perception
I found
An uncle showed up at the Unitarian church
At our wedding
Called us both hell-bound
I gave him hell over that
Once when I was sick of hell for awhile
Though I’d already accepted damnation
Not for the anticipated reason
But because I might be useful
Knowing hell well
Hanging out with its regulars
And so recognize that when he too shall pass
Despite his permanently judgmental scowl
He’ll certainly go to heaven
That he can take it with him
That hellish scowl
Since don’t we all get
About what we expect
Especially in the world of spirit
Why yes I’ve seen it
I mean heaven
As part of that world
Or rather as many parts
Of that boundless spirit world
Which has much more than just heavens
Often complete with pearly gates and angels
Believers have set in place
Themselves
As it is on Earth
I’ve popped in and observed
All of them standing singing saintly proper
In my uncle’s heaven
Though uncomfortably constrained
Precisely as they were in bodily life
Ceaselessly as they refuse to admit it
Admit the scowling
Won’t you admit yourselves
To be in some ways worse off than in hell
As you’d think I’d know
Or is that gno
That spirit can ceaselessly do just about whatever
It wants
Once
He’s there in his heaven
That scowling fellow
I’ll pop in on him from time to time
Shake him up a little
Lead him to wonder
Who let me in
To doubt
In the exclusive abilities of its Guardian
Not that such exists per se far as I can tell
Other than the faithful around him
Meanwhile
Until some time after they make a big ineffectual show
Of trying to throw me out again
And decide I must be one of them
I’ll sing right alongside him
Bringing that sacred-looking place a healing by
Connecting through his song as I did
Back in the Methodist church he also rejected
Though not for the same reason
Or perhaps indeed for the same reason
As I
As aren’t we all the same
Man woman creature element
All one
All spirit
Holographic shards of divinity
Each piece encompassing the entirety
With lots of things to do
Places to visit
Dreams to live
Beyond some limited physical realm
So many hold
So stupidly important
Because it’s what they want to perceive
Ceaselessly

Thanks always returns

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