Our professors can’t explain the basic properties
Of our everyday concerns. Take water, if you please.
Why should damp cloths pick up dust where dry ones don’t work well?
How did clouds form out of oceans, when they seldom fell
Raining on the coasts before they rolled off cross-country
Skipping the Mojave just to flood the Mississippi?
Why should cooling weather make my body hold less water
When it does more sweating as the weather’s getting hotter?
Why should surface tension hold the bug but not the bird?
Why is there no tension past the surface? Have you heard
Water is a solvent better than most any other?
Why should science offer toxic cleansers then? Why bother?
Why accept the fact that basic math is incomplete
Yet pretend to certainty in physics — with conceit?
Why if black holes hog all things should gravity escape?
Why does backwards causation not leave all mouths agape
’Mongst the crowd who any further studies fast reject
Just like exploration of the phantom leaf effect?
What makes homeopathy’s solutions so effective?
Scientists asserting that they aren’t choose an elective
Of denial of their claim to brash empiricism,
Clinging to the modern faith that’s known as scientism.
Why assume that any random things occur at all?
Faith that nothing guides our days won’t force doubt’s margin call
On those who assert they’d rather put faith in statistics,
Though its basic tenets skirt life’s stark characteristics,
Since the law of probability is surely fiction:
If you buy it, I can take the money with no friction.
Here’s ten bucks that says you won’t roll that third pair of cat’s eyes.
Bet the odds are like before? Well push your luck then, wise guys.
Wiser was the gal who solved the Monty Hall goat problem
To the scorn of math profs stuck in their misguided vision.
Why should Earth attract big rocks that fall out of the sky
When I hardly can attract nice people if I try?
Though shmucks would descend on me like mold and worms on shit
Which is so amazing I just can’t get over it.
Could this be the meaning, then, of relativity:
Those to whom I would relate would not relate to me?
If on where and when each thing occurs we can’t agree
Till we’re moving just alike, lockstep, we’d better be
Ready for the wonders wrought by science to beget
Sometimes gladness, sometimes fear, and sometimes deep regret.